I don’t understand.

“Yeh it’s well peng” “Sorry I no understand?” “It’s. Well. Sick.” “Ha ha sorry I still no understand. I need England English!” ‘Don’t we fucking all’ thought Mug as she secretly listened in on Roo having a chat with H on Houseparty – which was an app on her school I pad. “What language do […]

A resident thief.

Revenge. Each of the monsters loved a bit of ‘eye for an eye’ ‘tit for tat’ ‘rubbing each other up the wrong way’ and just general pissing each other off. Mug shamefully reduced herself to the same level of childishness and partook occasionally in what can only be described as all out war. Roo the […]

‘I’m not looking after her; I’ll have a husband and children; they won’t want her to stay’ argued the Pickle in the long raging debate over who would have Mug when she was old and smelling of wee. Mug had imagined many scenarios as to what she would do when they were finally off her […]

Duck n’ Dolph’

Chalk and cheese – that’s what Mug’s mum called Mug and her sister Blair as they were growing up. Introvert/extrovert – some nice little sticky labels to stick on her girl mugs so everyone knew what each one did. As an adult Mug preferred to think of herself as the dolphin of the pair who […]

No longer a FFS

‘FFS’ was Mug’s most overused phrase. She used it when she felt despair “Oh FFS, I’ve only just hoovered.” She used it in perilous situations “FFS, I nearly tripped up.” She used it so often that the monsters decided that they would enshrine Mug’s grave – when the time came – with a headstone that […]


“Mug look look! Do you like my eyebrows?! It’s taken me 2 hours to get them even!” Mug knew the right answer to this, for she had followed teenage make-up faux pas’ since SBB had greeted her one morning with eye lashes that looked like tarantula legs on steroids or a potato that had gone […]

Snow, Rex and Stan too.

Mug enjoyed watching her fledglings grow-up. It was only with the youngest one that she felt a little bit sentimental and nostalgic for the cute faces and mummy I need you cuddles, but that came and went as quick as the ‘sharp scratch’ you get when having a blood test because she was beginning to […]